Today's calendar thought:
"You can't get anywhere today if you are still mired down in yesterday." - unknown.
I went to bi-monthly Mom's group today. One that I last attended regularly in the Summer of 2000. Yep, 12 years ago. I know that my children are almost done growing (youngest is a 15 year old boy, and oldest 19 year old girl at college), and that I may not have much to offer or gain. But I did today. I did one of the hardest things in a long while for me to do, and that was admit that I have been feeling lost.
The Lord has been working on my ego, and pride much to my dismay. Ah, why can't I just learn a lesson and be done? Why can't any of us read what scripture tells us, and do it. Simple. Right?
Proverbs 16:18 (MSG) First pride, then the crash—the bigger the ego, the harder the fall.
Lost in my past routines, daily frustrations that they were, my routine. Although, I felt called to be doing what I did...my pride now...is showing nothing. I am not working... I am at home... Without a routine. Structure is to be my gain. Learning from the past, letting go of my past pride and ego.
Lost in the securities of knowing what the day held. Lost. I let go this morning of that feeling just by sharing in Christian Fellowship. I know that hindsight is 20/20. I know that I am secure in His plans for me. Just need to seek Him.
I know that I am home for my health, to have less stress. I know that I am home to help my hungry all the time 15 year old son. He is struggling now with school, and we are on the path to help guide him. But this is a path that I am unsure of...one with a routine I have never experienced before. Not sure of my steps in this path. How am I to guide when I have no clue where we are going?
Connections. We are to be with other Christians to support, help, remind ourselves that we don't do anything alone. I will attend that Mom's group again, Lord willing. I will try to listen, and be there for someone else, like those precious women were there for me today.
He guides our ways. He holds us close.
Focusing on Him, today and tomorrow with a new routine.
Philippians 4:13 (NIV) I can do all this through him who gives me strength.